Upon waking from a fight

I didn't fall asleep till 6 

and now I'm up at 9. 

I'd like to tell you that I wept, 

but I'm too tired to cry.

I am not a meal served

 by the ringing of a bell.

No, I am just a woman 

who stumbled thrice and fell.

I cheated on your treasured trust

broke your heart, left you betrayed

this I fear will never heal

and is the cause of our dismay

I do not know I can repent

much more for what I've done

so please will you stop punishing me?

by taking away your love

I told you and I've shown you

that i have grown and changed

yet we are both held hostage

to thoughts you know deranged

now that the past has gone away

and the future lies ahead

it should matter no more what I wear

than the curls on my head

my heart is yours (you know that's true)

but my body and my mind

are something that belong to me

and I keep them with pride

Fickle

perhaps I'll cry tomorrow
I cannot cry today
my tears do not have time for me
nor have I time for they

So I'll put off my sorrow
with hopes that it will pass
while knowing in my heart of hearts
how long heartbreak can last

my voice will sound no feeling
my face be made of stone
you've sent my world reeling
now that your heart has gone

Bygones

my heart is all apologies
my mouth
my lips
my mind
I would rather hurt myself
than cause your eyes to cry.

Yet with every little part of me
I want to run and hide
from all your condemnations
recriminations and despair
as all the things I've done before
cloud and choke the air

we cannot breathe
the past is dust
and fresh air lies ahead
but first we have a task to do
put a demon in its bed

there's a madman
that's been stalking us
wearing your coat and hat
he feeds on pain and misery
and hides inside my flat

the rooms of my heart await you
but this impostors at the door
he's sniveling and crying
begging always for some more

just a bit more of my soul
my friendships my desire
until all that is left of me
is ashes in a pyre

So let us put the past away
let the bygones go
for forgiveness builds upon itself
and with it sorrows go.

You are the whole
of all my love
and all I am is yours
but I must see the real you
before I open up the door

It must be clear
that you my love
can see me for who I am
a woman who is complicated
who wants you as her man