Chaste to be Chased?

I recently read an article on "Why You Should Always Have Sex On The First Date." The author, who goes by the name "Trophy Wife" espouses the idea that women should "F*ck being coy – go out and get laid." As an ethical slut, I see nothing wrong with women having sex on the first date. I have fucked a handful of men on the first date and gotten naked with far more than that. I think it generally holds true that if man is truly interested in you it won't matter when you have sex. 

However, I have found it true that the more chaste I am, the more chased I become. Men tend to chase what they can't easily acquire. As one lover once told me, "nobody really values the things they get for free, I mean if I offered a nice leather jacket for free, wouldn't you wonder what is wrong with it?" Now before we castrate my ex for comparing a woman to a leather jacket or equating a sexually open woman with a defective object, let's just take a moment and think about where statements like this come from. 

It is easier for women to get laid than it is for men. Just take this article for example, where a both a man and woman asked a hundred people of the opposite gender to have sex. The woman faired considerably better than the man. The truth is that if a woman wants to have sex, she generally doesn't have to work to hard to get it. Provided that the woman is reasonably attractive, confident, and willing to broaden her horizons, she can generally find a man who would not just be willing, but eager to have sex with her. 

This lack of equality in potential sexual availability not only makes men jealous, it robs them of a context for understanding how to relate to sexually available women. There they are, cursed with testosterone driven higher sex drive but constrained by women's general hesitancy to have sex. What's worse is that when a woman is open to a more relaxed approach to sex, the man has no idea how to handle it. Without a proper schema for these situations, they default to the prevailing societal narrative.

This narrative still espouses the idea that men should chase women and that a woman should "hold out" before she "gives it up." So statements like those made my erstwhile lover, aren't meant to be explicitly misogynistic. It's just that they betray the underlying misogyny of this kind of "advice." Since any woman that isn't following these guidelines and is giving her "cookie" up to easily, must be suffering from low self esteem or must in some other way be "broken." Because any woman that is serious about "catching" a good man, will know that she has to withhold sex to maintain her power. This is a form of slut shaming that is pervasive in advice books, most of which are written for women.

So while I agree with the “Trophy Wife” that women should have sex on the first date. I think what’s really needed is not a call for women to have sex, but call for men to respect women regardless of when that woman chooses to share a sexual experience with them.  So written below is the article I would have liked to have seen.

Men, "why you should keep seeing the woman you had sex with on a first date."

You've already seen her naked and you liked what you saw. Let's face it gentlemen, chances are you didn't run screaming from the room when she took her top off. If you liked what you saw, why not stick around a see a little more. 

No more first time jitters. We all know the first time with a partner is a little bit awkward, but heightened sexual tension usually allows to overlook the awkwardness. Lust goggles, are very forgiving. So the first time might actually be smoother and the second time won't be the first. Thus, no first time jitters. 

She chose to share a sexual experience with you. Nobody gave up anything, nothing was lost. Assuming you both did it right, everyone should have come away feeling like they won a prize at the carnival. 

Chances are she won't use sex as a weapon. A woman who has sex on the first date is unlikely to see sex as the source of her power. Therefore, she will probably still fuck you even when you forget to take the trash out or leave the toilet seat up. 

Yes, if she had sex with you on the first date, chances are she has done it before. And the concern there is what exactly? If you want to feel special go visit your mother or earn this woman's love. 

Realize that just because you two had sex on the first date doesn't mean that you will have sex on every date thereafter. No she's not playing games, it means she wants to get to know you and not just use you for your body. This is a good thing.Remember, she's just not obligated to fuck you every time she sees you. 

You know a woman's worth is in no way tied to her number of sexual partners. You respect women as equals. So call her up, send her a text, ask her out and let her know that a second date doesn't come with any expectations. 

* note, I know that some people choose to wait until marriage to have sex. That's lovely for them, but for pretty much all the reasons listed by "Trophy Wife" I will continue to have sex with men before marriage.