Telling my troubles to the horses head on the wall.

Monday, March 29, 2010

My thoughts while watching "Persuasion"

For Caroline Norton

Because I cannot tell you that I love you:
 I will ask about your day,
inquire after your family,
dig for your secrets.
I will say nothing of importance.

Because I cannot tell you that I love you:
 My mouth will feel filled with sand
My lips like parchment
My tongue will swell and consume my whole mouth.
Petrified I will become as stone and wood.

Because I cannot tell you that I love you:
 I will endure your teasing,
welcome your beatings,
 beg your forgiveness.

(My skin under your touch, lightning during the storm.)

Because I cannot tell you that I love you:
My stomach will knot,
my legs  shake,
 my knees falter.
The unpredictability of my legs mirrors your actions.

Because I cannot tell you that I love you:
I will suffer.
Silently willing my wayward heart home again.



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